that gut feeling

... waiting for the pieces of the puzzle to fall in place ...
the words will be and more to come
let me chaotically leave some prints


the feeling at in and creeping up the gut
as I attempt to write.
but. deep breath. in vain
as they spatter... on the
unsymmetrically printed window
in planes, cut and stabbed by axes.
bleeding of uncertainty
and... in time and in space
relying on a feeling
at in and creeping up the gut
of fear and insecurity
of expectations and needs.
the words of a woman.

you! tell me.

How long has this been going on?
.
.
.

high the wall
on the edge
she sits...
watching and waiting.
and
waiting
...
to jump
or to keep
wandering in wondering?
...
she, on the edge,
unnoticed
silent
...
she takes a last breath and
leaves.

A Passing Thought....

... and it's gone.

'twas a good day

Now that the food is ready...

saffron rice, chickpea curry
pertoudj (armenian dish)

I can color my nails.... only if I had them...

I adore CHANEL. *sigh*

some words

here's a little something i sent to a friend.."this is turning into a bollywood movie.. the ones you like not the ones i like
mr x, i can build this drama you know ...feed it aloo parathas and laddoos make it fat fat fat so fat 3 hours won't be enough for it and 5 indian gods and goddesses will fight over it and tear it into millions of pieces like the hearts of their little puppets and the countless fearless tears rolled and the spicy loves made.
when you find your happiness there will be no happiness greater than yours.
no matter what your accomplishments your lonely death is your life's celebration.you and all the rest will die alone. there is nothing sad in death. it is what brings life to its highest and without it life would be incomplete."

hmmm by the way i'm totally hooked to the OST of Ishqiya a bollywood film coming out on the 29th of Jan.

Ella, at the ruins of my heart

1971.Temple of Jupiter at Baalbek. I can only imagine the anticipation. Sitting between the ruins, intoxicated by the diwine presence of Bacchus. Eyes closed listening to the crazy march of the heart until! The revelation. The First Lady of Song microphone in hand, gown blowing in the breeze, [...] saying softly, "I don't know... I thought I'd been around, sung a lot, seen most everything... but just look at me now." [...] "Tonight, I joined the classics!" Breathless. Life and Death would have become one. I would have disappeared in the thin Lebanese air.

1996. Sitting with my family watching the news, silently. All of a sudden there was an exclamation... "Amaa!" It was my mother reacting to the news of Ella's death... while my father had tears rolling down his cheeks. That night we found out about the Kiss. My father had seen Ella perform at Baalbek and had managed to steal a kiss. Her death was sad news but we ended up celebrating her presence in our hearts.

2010. Sitting alone in a cold Floridian room and warming my heart with her scat songs.
Ella Fitzgerald. You will be, like here and now, alive and singing, breaking hearts and piecing together bits of broken ones. I love you.

*italics: http://www.saudiaramcoworld.com/issue/197203/festival.at.baalbek.htm